I love you to the moon.

Happy!

2012-01-29T14:05:00.000-08:00

Man, my life has been so full of happy lately. I adore it.

Here's my list of happy as of recently: <3

Big messy hair -

lipstick <3

Thrifting and happy music <3

A good hard workout.

Perfect timing - Snapped a picture right as Adam walked by and slapped my hiney. Makes me laugh.

teeny tiny baby reeses and big calloused hands. <3

Good hair days.

Cutest boots I own.

Movies and memories. <3

This guy.

And these sweet babies that I've gotten to see twice in one month!

Sweet sisters.

A man who loves the word of God, nothing better.

And, a best friend that knows my heart and loves to pour into it. She blesses my life more than she'll ever know.

And lastly, Julie's adorable blog. I posted about being happy a few days back! I love that girl.

My heart is so full.

Happy Sunday!

Daniel Fast

2012-01-27T12:39:00.000-08:00

I've decided to do the Daniels fast along with my momma for the month of February.
Detox for the mind, spirit, and body. I'm actually getting pretty pumped about it.
I want God closer, more than I want anything else in my life.
You are supposed to seek God on one thing you really want to see in your life.
Whether it's for a mended relationship, healing, direction, clarity .. whatever you feel it should be.

You can eat all the fruits, veggies, and whole grains you want but nothing else.
The hardest thing for me will be no coffee. I sincerely thought about saying, "Okay, I'm going to do the fast, but just have ONE cup of coffee a day (which would be cutting back)" But that's not the fast. No coffee, no tea, only water.

I will delight in the Lord instead of coffee; I will seek his will.
I can easily cut out the other things from my diet. It wont be difficult for me at all. I actually prefer eating that way most the time, but the coffee - that will be tough.
So, those early mornings, middle of the days, late nights that I really reallllly want a strong cup of black coffee, I will pray instead.
I will delight in the word of the Lord.

^"How sweet are your words to my taste,
sweeter than honey to my mouth!"
Psalm 119:103

In addition to that, I'm giving up shopping for the month. That's what I usually do when I've had a bad day or am just bored. I thrift, drive from store to store, go through sales racks, try on cute things, buy the highest wedges I can find. ((I've already messed up my new years resolution of no more shoes. OHWELL.)) But for this month, I wont buy one new, or new to me, thing.
When I want to shop, I will read His word, I'll pray, I'll thank Him for all He's given me, I will seek His will on the one thing I choose as hard as I can.

Seeking Him as hard as I can.
I think no coffee,shopping,sugars for a month in exchange for more of His presence and guidance is pretty stellar.

<3

Vlog: Top Knot & new piercing. :]

2012-01-25T20:44:00.000-08:00

2012-01-24T18:03:00.000-08:00

I feel like I'm starting a new chapter in my life.

Nothing much has changed except for schools, but everything feels fresh and different somehow.

I have really really liked my classes so far. The professors are great and its all education related. I especially love that part. No more science, no more math, no more anything but how to be a teacher!

There are about 17 people in each of my classes, and all of the education majors with an ESL or bilingual specialization are in all of my classes since the courses are only offered in "blocks." I will most likely be in classes for the next two years with all the same girls. That's kinda neat. Most of the girls seem sweet too. Not all are the athletic shorts, ugg boots, typical tech student that I picture.

Some are... but they are sweet too. haha.

I just need to get over that and accept that it is a fashion trend here in the ole LBK.

nike shorts

ugg boots

sorority tshirt

pony tail

Did I tell you guys that I saw a girl running on a treadmill in ugg boots the other day?!

or walking I guess. But still.. uggs on a treadmill.

I tried to take a picture, because I'm a jerk like that, and the flash went off. AKWARD.

My favorite professor is definitely my Childrens Literature professor. I just love that class already. She is so upbeat and smiley and loves kids books, obviously! She has short spiky hair, which suprisingly suits her, sort of looks like a bird, and is so cheery.

She reads us a childrens book every day at the start of class and gets SO into it! I can imagine how much the kids love her. She also works part time at an elementary school here as a librarian. Adorable.

My favorite part has been the hour in between classes though. Each day it's consisted of a lemon poppy seed muffin, raspberry latte, a book, and a cozy chair at the library. This will def not be a habit - ill start bringing my own thermos of coffee once I get more beans in the mail, and a muffin everyday will not do.. but it's been nice for the first week of school.

And as much as I don't like to admit it, I really have enjoyed Tech so far.

The campus is beautiful, it's 10 minutes from my house, and I feel like I belong there now.

Much different than I felt at 18.

Since I'm an employee at tech, they pay for one of my classes and all the fees too. Which is pretty sweet - took about 1,100 off of my total cost of tuition. :: thumbs up ::

And now, I'm about to be paid to do my homework at work. After I'm paid to blog, obviously. ;]

Kalah came to see me!

2012-01-22T19:23:00.000-08:00

My sweet Kalah came to see me for 6 days a little bit ago. We had not seen each other in 2 1/2 years - MUCH TOO LONG - and picked up right where we left off. I think that's one of the best feelings. Distance in miles between us, but no distance between us heartwise. Still connected.

We've kept in touch the whole time. Always texting, talking on the phone, sending snail mail, and leaving comments, but man was it so good to be face to face and side by side again.

We ate all the food she misses dearly- several times ;], went to a few fancy restaurants, dressed up, went out, had all the dessert when we wanted, drank some serious amounts of coffee, painted nails, watched chick flicks, lounged around together, swung on OUR swings at OUR park, drove around with the windows down and music up, cuddled, and talked.talked.talked.

Both of my best friends by my side. Man, I'm a lucky gal. :]

Our first picture in 2 1/2 years. :]

I miss her already. I wish Kentucky wasn't so far away. pout.pout. Thankful for all the time we had though. :]

I love you sweet girl.

Careless words

2012-01-20T15:25:00.000-08:00

What's on my heart: how I speak to others.

Am I building people up or tearing them down? Am I nurturing hearts or hurting them? Am I speaking life into my friends?

Am I a gossip and slanderer or do I speak highly of those I know?

Am I uplifting or negative?

I want to nurture hearts. I want my husband, family, and friends to know how important they are to me every single day. I want them to be so aware of how much I cherish and adore them.

I try to tell them often, but I can do more.

More importantly, I do not want to speak careless words.

This makes my heart ache.

You can't take back something you quickly spout out. Word vomit, if you will.

Once the words roll of your tongue, pass your lips, they're gone. You can't get them back.

Often times, they'll settle down and find a new home, penetrating the toughest of skin and usually ending up in a loved one's heart.

I can't count the number of things I wish I never said.

It far outweighs the number of things that I wish I had said.

I need to control my tongue so much better than I do.

Sometimes, hurtful things I've said and not thought twice about will come up in later conversations. Conversations filled with tears and heavy hearts. Words that sunk down where they didn't belong, and eventually festered up months later.

I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of hurtful words too, everyone does. Words that still sting when you think about them. Weeks, months, even years later.

I can still vividly hear some words being spoken, the same setting, the same looks of disgust or anger painted on familiar faces. Words that did nothing but kill a little piece of me. Some that were aimed to hurt, and others that were unknowingly painful.

I do not want to cause that hurt. ever.

So, I'm being picky about what I say to those I love. I don't care if I'm absolutely worn out from school, work, and problems.. I will not take that out on people that are the very closest to my heart.

"Let me tell you something: Every one of these careless words is going to come back to haunt you. There will be a time of Reckoning. Words are powerful; take them seriously. Words can be your salvation. Words can also be your damnation."

Matthew 12: 36 - The Message

I think this has been on my heart for several reasons, but one being- He knows I'm about to be stressed out. It's inevitable. As hard as I try, I cannot remain stress free for an entire semester. Full time work, school, and everything else I cram into my days just wears me out at times. I do not want one careless word to slip out though. That's my goal. That means I've gotta control this sassy, sometimes snotty, tongue of mine. I want to be a nurturer, every day and in every situation.

Smoky Eyes Video

2012-01-17T14:33:00.000-08:00

(( I meant to edit that part where I get up and leave out of there. whoops. ))

:]

There ya have it. My super professional way to do smoky eyes. Seriously, so profesh.

;]

What's done is done.

2012-01-16T13:13:00.000-08:00

There is no need to hang on to feelings of regret or self-loathing.

What's done is done. It can't be taken back or made right. Let go. Ask for forgiveness and be done with it.

Disappointment is understandable, but accomplishes nothing. We can't wallow in self pity. That will accomplish nothing.

I love how God views our sin.

He knew what we were going to do before He even died on the cross. He knew it and He still did it. Still chose us.

Nothing we do takes Him by surprise. I really like that.

There is nothing I can do that will shock him or make Him love me less.

One day He isn't going to be like, "Well.... you've lived a pretty good life, but that mess up?!? Unforgivable. I can't even believe you right now." No. He has already forgiven us.

Sometimes I just need to learn how to forgive myself.

And the same goes for forgiving others. God has already forgiven them, I need to forgive like him. Not just say the words, "I forgive you." I need to truly forgive and {let go}.

I know that sometimes it feels like that person is "getting off easy" if we just forgive and let go, but that's not the truth. Us holding on to things only hinders us in the long run.

I know that from experience.

I've held on to things so hard, knuckles white, not wanting the person to get away free. I want them to feel the pain they caused. Guess what? I am the only one that was affected at all by that death grip.

Holding on to grudges and dwelling on ways you've been wronged will do no good. It's futile.

I'd rather spend my days thinking about happy, wonderful things. Being active and productive. Relaxing and loving.

Yes, God in the same way that you have that you have thrown my sins as far as from the east is from the west, I pray that you help me to forgive myself and others that same exact way.

Gone. No more. As far as far as sunrise is from sunset. <3

What right do I have withhold forgiveness anyway? Am I any better? Any more deserving than the next person of forgiveness? No way. But he freely gives me forgiveness.

"God is sheer mercy and grace; not easily angered,

he's rich in love. He doesn't endlessly nag and scold,

nor hold grudges forever. He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve,

nor pay us back in full for our wrongs. As high as heaven is over the earth,

so strong is his love to those who fear him.

And as far as sunrise is from sunset,

he has separated us from our sins."

Psalm 103:12

The Message

hi

2012-01-15T16:05:00.000-08:00

I just love you guys, really.
All the sweet emails and thoughts youve sent my way have warmed my heart immensely.
All is well, God is good, and y'all are the sweetest.

Rest

2012-01-13T18:26:00.000-08:00

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30

Thinking back to my younger days (and some not so younger days, too), I let my problems encompass every aspect of my life. I gave into the worry and stress and let things that shouldn't have, take over. I didn't know how to handle negativity or trials of any sort. I stressed about failed friendships, breakups, not fitting in, insecurities, and all sorts of other things. On top of being a worrier and over-analyzer, I've also always been more of an introvert. All of these things added together, led me to my breaking point. I remember thinking "I can't do this on my own. I've analyzed every single outcome, every detail, every part of this problem and I just can't do it. I can't cry any more tears, I can't spend any more sleepless nights worrying, and I can't think about it anymore. I'm just so tired."

I'm. just. so. tired.

I've been so tired for so many different reasons throughout my life.

The stress of an overly full schedule, problems that seem impossible, habits ya just can't kick, relationship woes, deaths of loved ones, insecurities, depression, anxiety, nightmares that haunt, ect.

[[BUT]] because of this, I found His rest. His rest for my weary soul. His sweet spirit that doesn't want me to walk in this alone, or through anything alone for that matter.

It's a lesson I've had to learn over and over. You would think eventually I would just know that I can't handle everything on my own, but sometimes it seems I have to come to that breaking point before I realize, "Oh Hey, God wants to give me rest. Rest for my soul. He doesn't want this for me, at all."

When I try to solve my problems on my own, I get tired. So tired.

And not to mention, the problems NEVER get solved!

I can talk a problem into the ground, beat it to death, worry myself sick, and still not come to any sort of solution.

Yet, I continue to try.

Now, the older I get, it seems that a heaviness just settles on me. I don't let my problems take over my whole life like they used to.
But a heavy heart is no fun.

The rest that He gives is far better than any solution I could come to on my own. Even if my "problem" isn't completely solved, when I come to Him everything is okay. He lifts the heaviness. He replaces it with peace.

Everything is made okay.

Isn't that just the worst feeling??? Sitting alone, crying, feeling like everything in the world is just jacked up.. the feeling of being NOT okay. I hate that feeling.

He makes me okay, and I love it.

He takes the stress and worry off of my shoulders and carries it for me. All he wants me to do is let him. He wont force me to take His rest, but He longs for me to let Him.

When I think about this I hear Him saying, "Please, my beloved, come to me! Come here, you sweet little thing, let me take that from you. I want you to be happy and whole and find peace. I want you to feel loved and okay. I want you to be more than okay, darling. Come here." He picks me up off of the ground, brushes me off, and holds me. Holds me in my problem, in my worries. Is just there with me.

Oh Jesus, I am coming. I want your love, your embrace, your rest. Every day. I don't want to try to solve my problems on my own, I know that I can't anyhow. You are good and you are for me.

I can't think of anything in the world sweeter than that.
You are for me.

The God of the universe is on my side

and

He wants rest for my soul.

Women in my life/ sister date

2012-01-05T18:38:00.000-08:00

Man, I was just thinking when I was looking through my camera and phone earlier : I am so blessed. I have the greatest women in my life.

My sister and I always always adore our time together. There is lots of laughing, talking, trusting, and loving every time.

I also have the greatest mom. She is seriously my very best friend. She only wants good for me. She doesnt ever judge me or tell me my feelings are wrong. She just listens. She offers up Godly advice and tells me about her experiences. She doesnt nag or even get upset with me when I choose the opposite. She knows it's my life and I have to make my own decisions, but she walks through it with me. She is also so funny. Laughter, loving, listening, secret telling, relating.. that's our relationship lately and I adore it.

My sweet Joanna, you know about her. So thankful for her heart. She is always sweet to me, always there for me. 3 in the morning? Sure! 7 am? She'd get out of bed in a heartbeat. I love friends that are there and on top of that, just get you. We just get each other. I love everything about her from the beautiful hairs on her head to the tips of her cute lil bony toes.

My best friend since 7th grade is coming to see me tomorrow morning for a whole week! I am thrilled. She was the first friend I had that I could really just relate to. I prayed and prayed for a good girl friend in jr high. God sent me her.

She has been in my life ever since. I love that we haven't lost contact. She lives states away, but our hearts have remained so close. I'm so excited I could cry!

My mother in law and sisters are so wonderful. I love each of them so much and love that they are mine.

I tend to think good people aren't too common these days, but I've been blessed with lots and lots to walk through life with. Lucky me.

Now, here are the pictures from our latest sister date. My sister is no longer a little baby. She's 18, in love, headstrong, and crazy beautiful. I love that lil thang.

Best laughing face.

I love this one. Although my laughter makes me look somewhat like a donkey, I adore it. It's us. We laugh a lot.

And this one. Meg is laughing and holding on to my waist. :: heart eyes ::

haha. That face!

Most beautiful girl in the world.

----

I'll be back with a whole week of memories with Kalah by my side to share soon. eep! eep!!!

Hey guess what? FAQ vlog. ;]

2012-01-04T18:14:00.000-08:00

Two Thousand and Eleven

2012-01-03T11:40:00.000-08:00

I think I've been a little too rough on 2011. Sure, it was probably one of the most trying years of my life. However, it also had some really wonderful beautiful memories too. How dare I just focus on the bad/hard things!

So, some things that made my heart crazy happy in 2011. - Prob not in order. I'm not in the mood to deal with that. hah.

I went to my first prom ever as my sisters date. at 23.

I went on a family trip and loved every minute of it.

I got the sweetest little hedge hog, Petunia Pearl, for my 23rd birthday.

I saw Explosions in the Sky.

Saw lots of favorites and experienced my first outdoor music festival at ACL.

Ate more apples this year than any year before. I was on a serious apple kick for awhile.

Lots of sister time at Target and just sister time in general. It was a good year for us sisters. :]

Went to a few baseball games. Always fun, definitely one of my favorite places to be.

I read a bunch.

Had some wonderful times with this beauty. Laughed till we couldn't breathe and our sides ached more times than I can count.

I made a solo 17 hour road trip to see my brother who is stationed in Mississippi. Will not forget my time with him or my trip there and back anytime soon. So special.

I drank so much good coffee. So much. good. coffee.

I spent probably a quarter of my year in my car on the hour drive to and back from class.

I finished the semester off strong. Not without tears and crazy amounts of stress, but it's done nonetheless!

Went on some dates.

Got roses for my Grandmas on my arm.

Spent time at my favorite little place, the prayer chapel. Loved on that sweet donkey, watched sunsets and sunrises, found some peace.

Dressed up as a deer for Halloween.

Celebrated 3 years with this beardface. ;]

Wore some things that made me smile.

Went camping with family in Arkansas. It was beautiful.

Had some really sweet dates with my favorite lady in the world, my sweet mama.

Had a cozy Christmas.

And a pretty sweet little New Years Eve.

2011, parts of you were really beautiful. You brought me new friends- ones I will never easily forget, belly laughs, milestones, fun roadtrips, live music, good coffee, beautiful sunsets and sunrises, and lots of learning experiences. Sorry for being so hard on you towards the end.

2012-01-02T16:53:00.000-08:00

For some reason this picture really just sums up how I'm feeling right now/this year. Gray, bold, mixed up, uneven, shy, unsure, cropped, chipped. It sounds pretty gloomy, but it's not all bad.

You know when it's hard to put what you feel into words? Yeah, that.

But this picture comes close to everything I want to say right now.

So, I'll just leave it at that.

Also, I pretty much lived in those shorts this spring/summer/fall/winter. Wore them to picnics, to ACL, to see my brother in Missisippi, with heels and red lips to go to dinner, coffee dates, mini getaways, lounging around, to run errands. I seriously probably wore these 75 times this year. Before that they were my favorite jeans. I wore the jeans until the very bottoms were completely torn and frayed and tacky.

Anyway, there I go being sentimental about inanimate objects again. Thinking of all the places they went with me, all the firsts they experienced, all the things they saw.

THEY'RE JEANS AMBER.

ok.

But seriously, I love those uneven cut offs. ;]

I intended on writing a goal post. The first time it ended up being one really long run-on about how I don't know what I want. The second, I posted several pictures and incoherent sentences.

This time, this is what you get.

A picture that sums up my current mood.

NYE

2012-01-01T11:54:00.000-08:00

Here are a few reasons you should not let me have both a flask of whiskey and a camera.

I got my hands on it for about 5 minutes last night. This is the result.

ridiculous. ha

Today- I am sitting around in my yoga pants and old worn in t-shirt as long as possible, listening to records, and drinking a good cup of pressed coffee. I have no real plans. I love days like this and haven't had one in far too long.

I may load some film and find some pretty little things a little later and go for a run if it warms up a bit.

Possibly spend some alone time at my favorite park with a journal and pen and just hang out too. Maybe flesh out some realistic attainable goals.

I love fresh starts. I'm in desperate need of one. I love the newness the first of the year brings. Makes you feel like anything is possible.

2011 wasn't my most favorite year. I'm hoping 2012 makes up for it a bit.

Happy New Year!

Roses for Grandmas

2011-12-27T08:55:00.000-08:00

I never showed you guys my newest addition to my right arm. It's been a few months now, but here you are.

Two unshaded roses.

Each one for a grandma, both of their favorite flowers. Roses are so delicate and pretty, just like they are. There is something so classic and timeless about that flower, too. They symbolize love and beauty. Pretty perfect. I just love it. I'm so happy with how they turned out.

My grandmother on my dad's side is a strong lady, but still so feminine and sweet. She has been married to the most ornery man I have ever met, so she's gotta have tough skin.

She married my grandpa when she was 15 years old and had her first baby at 16. They started dating when she was 14. She lied to him about her age and didn't tell him until after they were married. She knew what she wanted! haha. He was in the air-force when they met and she has stayed by his side since.

My grandmother on my mommas side was one of my favorite people ever. She died several years ago, but will always be one of my favorites, always. She was so kind, thoughtful, giving, and just downright sweet. I never heard her say a mean thing about anyone. She loved all of her children and grandchildren unconditionally. Her husband died years before her and she kept going. Strong, beautiful woman. I see so much of her in my mother too. I miss that lady. I just wish I could go cuddle up in her side and hear her sing that familiar hymn. I took those days for granted. She left a beautiful legacy.

Oh yeah, and a little baby petunia for my hedgehog. I will always love that little sucker. The flower fit in perfectly with what I already have up there. yay, flowers.

Christmas Eve and Morning

2011-12-25T17:06:00.000-08:00

Happy Christmas!! I can't believe it's already almost 2012. This year passed so quickly, it's almost ridiculous.

I love Christmas and being festive. My morning was pretty fantastic. I was spoiled and felt pretty loved all morning.

I'm now working with Joanna, counting down the hours till we can both leave. The phone has rung zero times. Not even once. Yesterday it only rang one time and it was a 911 technician making sure our 911 systems were still functioning properly since the we hadn't recieved a single call all day. haha.

I think we are about to bust out an ABC family movie and finish the shift off right.

I hope your evening is extra sweet.

Honestly - Part 2

2011-12-24T17:21:00.000-08:00

I have had a pretty rough past few weeks, possibly the worst of my life.

You know what's wonderfully reassuring though?

Beauty comes from ashes.

Sometimes I need a good hard break down, to be built back up the right way.

Life is too short not to be ridiculously happy.

I want to wake up everyday and feel a smile reach from ear to ear, wiggle my toes, feel the sunshine, and just be happy in the day. That is my ultimate goal.

Be happy, always.

What's really odd is some truly wonderful perfect moments have been mixed in with the really terrible ones.

My brother was home for 10 days. I loved him being here. I hated saying goodbye.

JoAnna's birthday was Thursday! I spent half a day celebrating with her.

I hijacked her blog too. ;]

Kickboxing, mini pancakes, shopping, and thrifting. I love that girl, so very much.

My family and friends have been there for me in a such an amazing way. I loved seeing that when everything I know falls apart and I don't feel like I can stand on my own, I have other people willing to carry me.

My sweet Jesus always always has my back. He's been romancing me in a new and beautiful way lately. Wooing me to the very depths of my soul. He is crazy in love with me and that love will never end or change. It's my constant.

And on that note, what a beautiful thing to celebrate tomorrow.

That love - constant, never ending, complete, perfect. That love is so freely given.

So thankful for my Savior, for his sacrifice, and for his blameless life.

I am forever undeserving, but forever thankful.

Thank you Jesus, for your life and death. Your love will always be enough for me.

Beauty will rise from the ashes.

Happy Christmas sweet friends. I hope his love is completely taking your breath away this year, too.

Honestly

2011-12-18T16:10:00.000-08:00

I'm not feeling Christmas this year. I hate hate hate that I'm not, but I just am not. Perhaps its because I've had a crazy busy December, or maybe bec the sun is shining outside right now, or maybe even because of other little things I don't care to dive into. Regardless, for maybe the first time in my entire life I'm just ready for the whole month of December to be over.
Honestly.

I try to stay away when I don't have anything nice to say, but this is real life, and I'm documenting it darn it.
2011 Christmas isn't lookin' so hot.
I'll drag myself out of the house this week, fight annoying crowds, and check item by item off my too long list.
What a scrooge.
Maybe as the week progresses, Christmas cheer will sneak its way in. I suppose we will see.
In other sad news, my brother leaves Tuesday.
And one more thing, I have a hold on my account at school because I have to get a meningitis shot. >:/ (angry pants)

Okay, thats all.
Maybe.
;]

He's here! He's here!!

2011-12-12T13:10:00.000-08:00

My brother is home for the holidays!! Well till the 20th anyways, but we are squeezing in as much as possible till then.

So from now till the twentiteth I'll be spending my mornings, evenings, and days off by his side.

I love our entire family being under one roof.

It's the best feeling.

He is sorta one of my favorite boys alive. <3

Three things I adored about yesterday plus one very important other thing.

2011-12-09T16:04:00.000-08:00

One - My two Education presentations are done and over with! Two 10 page papers, two notebooks full of articles and content, group meetings every single day, and 1 1/2 hours in front of the class talking about Poetry, Sylvia Plath, and early explorers. Feels good to be done and not worried about that anymore.

Two- Sushi date with my sweet Janna.

I also love that she doesnt get embarrased by how horrible of a sushi date I am. Shrimp, rice, and seaweed hanging out of my mouth?? cool.

Using a fork to cut it in half? sure.

Lookin like a 2 year old trying to work chop sticks? yay!

I sure do love our best friend dates. They make my heart smile so big (( just about as big as my smile is in the very last picture ;] ))

Three- Taking a bath with my sister. :]

NOW. Before you get all judgemental and say we are too old for that, (yeah right anyways) let me just clarify a few things.

a) We had swimsuits on.

... thats it. haha.

We originally got in the hot tub, but the temp was turned down and it was freezing... so we just relocated to the bathtub.

Added in some bubbles and pretty music. Maybe we drank coffee and ate candy canes. maybe it was perfect.

Seriously though, we love showering together. ha. After we swim, usually when we are out of town, and neither of us wants to wait to shower, we just hop in the shower with our swimsuits still on and shower at the same time. Always always ends in tummies sore from laughing so hard.

(This is a legitimate laughing face... who in the world laughs with their mouth THAT wide open?! me. That's who. Geeze. You'd expect my laugh to sound like the Fran Drescher's with a face like that. Maybe it does. No one will ever know. ;] )

I love all the poeple God has put in my life. I feel so very blessed.

PLUSALSO::: Joanna has JUST made a blog and posted her very first post today. (not like I've been begging her for 2 years or anything!!!) She is so funny and has such a huge heart. I may be biased, but I'm already in love with her blog. Her post is probably the sweetest thing I've ever read and I'm in tears at work.. I don't know how I got so lucky, but I'm so happy God put her by my side to stay.

Oh and

2011-12-06T22:59:00.000-08:00

Just a lil sleepy crazyface hello.

You guys are rad for loving me through this.

Reasons to smile

2011-12-06T22:20:00.000-08:00

The first snowfall of the year

The chill in the air

My frozen nose and toes

Hot coffee all day

The sound of twigs snapping under the weight of snow

The warmth of another's hands

warm lips, cold noses touching

snow days and cancelled classes

seeing my breath float off reminding me all is well

cold air filling my lungs, stinging my cheeks

cozy socks and boots

scarfs bigger than me

gray, cold skies

God that orchestrates it all so beautifully.

Favorite tradition

2011-12-04T06:58:00.000-08:00

Putting the tree up is probably the most favorite of my traditions. The smell of pine all throughout the house, the twinkling lights, the ornaments that grow in number each year, hot chocolate!
Usually we play Christmas music or watch Elf but this year we just left Saturday Night Live playing in the background.
The ornament I picked out this year is that cute lil press. Seriously, how perfect.
Definitely worth blowing off my homework for.

Things I'm looking forward to: (because I love lists)
Tyler and his girlfriend coming home in SIX DAYS
School being over in SIX DAYS
Sister date
Sleepover with Joanna
Christmas movies
Working out every day again

Now, if you'll excuse me the rest of my week will be completely devoted to school. At least I'll have a pretty lil sparkly tree to look at whilst studying.
Off to a group meeting. Only a handful of them left!

Romans 9:20

2011-12-03T17:46:00.000-08:00

A verse that has just been ruining my world in the best kind of way lately is Romans 9:20.

"But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’”

Oh, it punches me right in the heart. How many times have I cried out to God, "WHY??? Am I like this?!" or "Why do I struggle with this??" or "Why is my body this way or my face that way?" why?why?why?

What a ridiculous thing to ask. I'm this way because He made me this way. How comforting that is. I am just how He wants me. It's not only just okay with Him - He doesn't just put up with me. He delights in me, just as I am.
Of course, apart from the sin. Apart from the typical struggles and strongholds. I know I must go to war against those every day. I have to wake up and glorify God instead of giving any attention to the thing trying to hold me down.

The curves of my legs and hips - He made them.

The lines in my face that show expression so well - Yep, all Him.

My heart that aches easier than I think it should sometimes - He loves that I'm sensitive, it makes it easier to hear from Him.

My absolute need for a Saviour that is so very evident in my struggles.- Oh, I wouldn't have it any other way. It shows me just how bad I need Him. I can't overcome anything on my own.
He is made strong in my weaknesses. I've never been more aware of that than now.
When I feel like I can't overcome something, He is the one gets me through. He gives me rest and calms my fears.

He made every detail of me and gosh darnit, I'm trying to love myself like he does.
Not just physically - every.little.part.
I am enough. Broken, little ole me.

Things I want to remember forever

2011-12-02T07:23:00.000-08:00

cuddling, laughing, talking.
<3

Camping!

2011-11-30T14:33:00.000-08:00

Last Tuesday after my class, we packed up and left for our camping trip.

My radio was broken, which I thought was going to be terrible. What is a road trip with music or sermons?! But it was actually sorta fantastic. We talked and joked the entire 8 hours there.

The whole trip was pretty great. Minus maybe the first night.. We got to the camp site late. Put up the tent in the dark, which is meant for more than just 2 people to assemble, didn't have firewood, and we were both hungry. After we put the tent up we gathered lots of wet fallen logs and had the babiest fire ever. Then we went to bed. Coldest night of my life. I woke up about a thousand times because my extremities were frozen. AND Adam was hot! How the heck does that work? He seriously had one leg out of the covers.

Adams sister and her husband and brother and his wife and babies joined us for the second and third nights. We spent time hiking, eating, talking, sitting by the campfire, drinking coffee and hot coco, skipping rocks, and playing made up games.

I love being around those guys. Wish we got to see them more, but the time we do get is always so special. Definitely wont forget this Thanksgiving.

Here are few 60 or so pictures. ;]

Some highlights of the trip for me: learning how to skip a rock for the first time in my life, coffee plus cold mountain air all day, stealing kisses and hugs from the babies all day, smores, oh gosh - smores, spending a few hours hiking, seeing the mountains, rivers, and trees that God so beautifully placed just right, making a Beaver friend!! (He was so cute. We saw him every night) mountain campfire breakfasts, the sound of pouring rain pounding on the tent on our last morning, wearing Adam's huge flannel, late night laughing by the campfire, and going off to explore and take pictures.

Also, how much of a mountain man does Adam look like??

I love camping so much. Nothing like being unplugged from everything and far away from day to day life, just soaking in God's amazing creations and sweet company.

If I were cut open-

2011-11-27T08:08:00.000-08:00

When I love something, I really love it.

I love it so hard.

Whether its family or friends - If I love you, I love you forever. You occupy a part of my heart. It's your home. You can snuggle up there, turn on your favorite show, grab a cup of hot coco, and wear your favorite cozy socks - you aren't going anywhere sucker.

With people - I love fast and hard and forever. I still love my friends from the past and all our sweet memories. Often times I'll find myself reminiscing just wishing for one day I could go back and have an 8th grade sleepover with some of my favorite gals. Remember when staying up till 6 am laughing till you thought your sides would literally split open was the best thing ever?? A good game of truth or dare, revealing your new crush, was ground breaking fun? Wrapping houses!!!! Oh gosh, I loved the thrill of wrapping houses. If someone did my best friend wrong, it was on. We each took as much tp as we could from our bathrooms - didn't want it to be evident any was missing. (yep, we did that mom.) and set off on our late night adventure. I could feel my heart beating through my 20 layers of black clothes so hard, so fast... so fun. Then the next day overhearing our lil jr high enemies talk about it in class. "Yeah, someone COVERED our yard.. we don't even have any trees!!" Ah.

My pups. Sometimes I want to squeeze them so hard I can't stand it.. but then remember they need air to keep on living - so I settle for a semi hard hug and let them lay their pretty heads on my lap.

Same for objects I love. I don't try and hold back. I love the crap out of lipstick, heels, and cameras. I collect them. Choose which one I want to wear or carry each day carefully. Each time I look down and see my giant shiny heels staring back at me, (oh so lovingly) it makes me smile. When I catch a glimpse of myself and my fire engine red lips, it makes me slightly happier than I was two seconds before. When I hear that old faithful :: click :: of an old camera capturing a magical moment worth keeping forever, my heart does a little dance.

Coffee and music. I could spend my entire day, week, month! locked away if I had a never-ending supply of coffee and music. I love it. You saw my coffee collage - you know. (and that was just a little portion of my coffee pictures.)

The color yellow, marshmallows, overcast cold days, and the warmth of a huge scarf, hot chocolate, and the fireplace on those days.

Some days I feel like this is a bad thing. Like I need to grow up and get ride of all the excess in my life. Who needs 100 pair of heels? 10 of the same kinds of old cameras? A lipstick in every shade imagined? But most days I feel like I love it. I have managed the chaos pretty okay. My shoe racks, bins, closet floor boards, make up bags, and shelves are full. Happily full.

My heart just keeps expanding. I still love so many things and people, but there is always room for more. My Jesus, family, best friends, and husband have the biggest rooms in my heart and always will. I think about 75% of me is heart. Each day growing a little bigger, filling the nooks and crannies with favorite things, memories, and people, and expanding- occupying a little more of body day by day. That's how I like to picture my insides anyways. If I were to be cut open, happy memories, bright pink lipstick, nude pumps, favorite lyrics, and coffee would come spilling out. <3

Camping for Thanksgiving

2011-11-21T17:56:00.000-08:00

I am SO very excited. I have off of work and school for EIGHT entire days. I need a break so bad, just thinking about it makes me wanna jump up and down.

Tuesday, which I just realized is TOMORROW!, after class, Adam and I are driving to Tulsa to stay with his brother and sister's families for a night. Then! The next day we are driving a few hours to a state park in Arkansas to camp!

I love camping so so much.

Ive gone every summer since I was a little baby. I loveee cooking food over a campfire, being away from everyone else, ~~roasting~~ burning marshmellows, watching sparks from the burning wood fly into the night sky, seeing millions of stars light up the black sky, sleeping in a tent, waking up and pressing coffee first thing, Bible studies while breathing in the crisp cool mountain air, hiking,seeing all the little forest creatures! Oh man, I love it all.

I can't wait to be there. Tucked away in the mountains with some of my favorite people in the world.

Camping for Thanksgiving. I don't think much can compete.

Life has been crazy stressful lately with this semester wrapping up. Two fifteen page papers, 10 minute speech, two 30 minute presentations, exams nearly every day.... I feel like I'm going to explode most days when I dwell too much on it.

My papers are wrapped up and I'm going to worry about the rest when I get back from the mountains.

Couldn't have come at a better time.

Plusalso, my brother is home for Christmas in 19 days!

Life is about to get extra sweet for me.

Man, oh man, do I love Christmas and spending it with my favorite people ever.

Get out of my life, Fall semester 2011. ;]

Hey Husband!

2011-11-17T17:35:00.000-08:00

Here is the song we never got. :]

The past three years have been some of the best of my life.

Thank you for loving me the way you do.

Your love is the sweetest thing.

I love you.

Today's list of happy

2011-11-13T19:14:00.000-08:00

* Coffee dates, unspoiled by the snotty barista.

* This hand to hold.

* The beard and the cute face it belongs to. <3 <3 <3 !!! Also his sweet heart always. Yesterday was his day off and he got called into work because of a shooting that was gang related. He worked all.day.long. (chased and arrested the murder suspect!!) and as soon as he got home at 10:30 when I mentioned I wanted a drink he walked right back out the door to grab me one. Seriously, what a sweet heart that man has.

(( I love this picture. Makes me smile. Hello, screen saver. ))

* Collars and lil flowers - pretty sure I had this identical dress when I was 5.

These girls. Love them.

These guys. Oh, man. One of my favorites, especially lately. They scream fall to me. Last fall they were on repeat constantly. Maybe why. Just listen to Big Jet Plane and see if you don't melt.

pretty shoes, pretty socks.

This verse - So very encouraging.

" Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God"
Ephesians 3:17-19

How long, how wide, how high his love is.
Until I meet him, I'll never fully understand just how much love He has for me.

Coffee

2011-11-11T19:00:00.000-08:00

Guys, I don't know if you know this about me, but I love coffee. Adore it. Addicted to it. Crave it.

Can't live without it.

I'm done trying to fight it. For awhile I didn't want to be "addicted" to anything. But shoot, I cant and don't want to give up coffee in any sort of way. I'm fine knowing I need it to wake up. I love it in the morning, first thing. In the afternoon it's the perfect pick me up. In the evenings, it's so calming and sometimes rejuvenating.

While I'm not a fan of Starbucks, especially their actual coffee coffee, when it's convenient or all I can get my hands on in the middle of a shift, I'm thankful for the sugar/caffeine boost of a caramel machiatto or raspberry latte.

I adore a strong rich black freshly ground pressed cup of coffee. Oh, I love it so much.

Citrus and Floral! Chocolaty! nutty! rich, deep, smooth, sweet. s.t.r.o.n.g.

A cappuccino made just right is my favorite.

There's nothing I'd rather be drinking. Gimme coffee any time of the day/night.

Hi, my name is Amber and I am a coffee addict.

0 days clean.

;]

nu nuh nu nuh nu nu WA WA WA

2011-11-10T23:18:00.000-08:00

( That title is for you, Meggie Beggie) :D

I try my very hardest not to spew negativity.

There are some days that are not as happy as others, and during those times I tend to keep to myself and not let my actions affect those around me. I had one of those days a few days back. I wasn't feeling well and not one thing was going my way. I sat in my corner at work and kept quiet. Several people asked what was wrong or why I wasn't being my usual self and I just smiled and said I was tired and not feeling well.

I have this little idea, that ALWAYS proves true.. okay mostly proves true.. the next day is AWESOME to make up for it and to thank me for keeping my anger to myself.

The world doesn't need any more angry unhappy people polluting it's beauty.

Oh, also I stayed up last night super late writing a paper and got up early to finish it plus start another one instead of just skipping class like I really wanted to for the second time this week.

So... today was rad.

Wanna know why today was rad?

I woke up to my alarm (the first one (( out of 14. No lie.)) ) ( I love parenthesis all over the place. It seriously makes me happy.)

Took a bath, pressed some coffee and wrapped up my paper. It feels good to get done with things that are stressing ya out a little bit. 12 pages done!

Carpooled to class! - I've really been wanting to run home from school. It's actually 30 miles away from here, so I got my friend to drop me off about halfway. I ran 17 miles. I needed a good long hard run so bad.

Ate dinner with my family. MOM'S MAKING TACOS! ;] And they were so good.

Next? Met my sweet sweet bbff Joanna for coffee. Good coffee. Pretty coffee.

Our nails were almost identical and we painted them separately! That calls for a picture something like this ...

Pretty sure the table next to us thought we were girlfrans for reals. I mean we were looking at our hands pretty adoringly and taking pictures.. but look! What do you expect?!

While we were on the topic of hands.. the older I get, the more my hands look like my mothers. I love it.

Joanna and I spent a little extra time at Walgreens being silly and picking up absolute necessities. Hello, new lipstick and sparkliest nail polish ever.

This lipstick is phenomenally pink. Like.. "woah, check out those girls lips. They are so...... pink."

* Rimmel Pink POP!

Next up, on my day of awesome, family game night. Yep, sounds about right. Perfect night.

Everyone was tired, and so very silly. Accents, gibberish, singing.

So much laughing.

I love game night and I love family. Family game night is the best thing ever.

Also - my sister has a boyfriend. I strangely approve. He is very sweet to her and loves Jesus. We grew up with his family in the church we went to for 13 years. Neat how things like that work out.

He got to witness a little bit of my families crazy tonight.

fun.

Now, I'm laying in bed on my lappy watching some of our favorite dvr'd shows with a happy heart, tired legs/feet, and sleepy head thats about to lay itself down.

Night my sweets.

Hey, super embarrassing story via a vlog

2011-11-06T14:34:00.000-08:00

I don't know what my deal is, but I like vlogs lately.

I have such a sweet husband.

Called him crying after I was told to go back and wait in my car until he came to get me.

I felt super dumb for not hearing or seeing the police officer for SEVENTY blocks... but, I was pretty out of it and feeling pretty horrible.

Thankful for kind officers that weren't the least bit rude and every bit understanding, and for my sweet officer who was even 10 times more understanding and loving.

Halloween!

2011-11-05T18:04:00.000-07:00

We had such a fun time on Halloween. Dressed up for the first time in about 4 or 5 years! One of us has had to work every single year, but somehow our schedules worked out this time!

Yippee! Makeup, spray paint, home made costumes! Scary movies! Popcorn!

Aww! He looks like he is so sad to be my date to the movies. haha.

Conversation right before I snapped the picture.... "Amber..... a car is coming...."

Then we got a bit silly. ;]

What a fun night. I love Halloween.

He now calls me his lil fawn and he's always been my lil lumberjack. ;]

Seriously, can we talk about his beard for a minute? Yes. we can. It is amazing. I don't want him to ever shave it. That man can grow a beard.

Beards are just great. I'm a fan.

v l o g

2011-11-04T21:17:00.000-07:00

just because.

Have a good weekend! :]

Thinking of taking some nyquil and sleeping as long as possible to avoid the unnecessary worrying. :/

Night my lovebugs.

What I believe

2011-10-31T09:02:00.000-07:00

I believe in Jesus. I believe that He died on the cross for me and loves me so so much more than I deserve.
He died knowing every sin I would ever sin and still chose to.
A lot of people ask what I believe or what my religion is - It's Jesus. That's all.
I am a follower of Christ and will be till I die and meet Him (oh how sweet will that day be?!) so that makes me a Christian by definition.
I don't claim a denomination and I don't have a certain set of rules I believe I have to follow, other than the Bible. His word is all I need.

I know that He loves me just as I am, and that is probably the best feeling in the entire world. Can't be topped. He accepts my colorful skin, my piercings, every bit of me. Those things don't define me anyway. I suppose some Christians have given a bad example of what it looks like to follow Christ, but the Jesus I follow - He is so very rad.
He doesn't except you to come to Him a certain way, He wants you just as you are. He loves you where you're at now. He desires you. Oh, goodness. He longs for you!
He is the best.

I've never come before Him, and felt that I needed to leave and come back when I was having a better day or a better month or year, or thought when I obey his commandments better, then I'll come back and talk to the man upstairs.
Nah. He wants to hold us on our bad days, give us rest. He's not just upstairs either, He is everywhere. I feel him in the warm sunlight, the cold breeze, the stillness of the afternoon. I see Him in sunsets and sunrises, in the leaves on all the trees dancing together, the little birds that fill the air, the stars that hang so perfectly in the night sky, the crackling of a campfire, the peaks of mountains, blankets of snow. He is so beautiful.

I don't think I need to conform to what other people view as a Christian. He doesn't expect that of me either. He loves me just as I am. Can't get over that.
He loves the tattooed, pierced, cigar smoking, sassy, occasional beer drinking me, just as I am!
:D

Austin, TX

2011-10-28T18:45:00.000-07:00

Oh, I love you.

I've spent about half my year in Austin and on the roads in between here and there it seems. I just adore that city.

I keep hoping we end up there, but really it's nice being able to visit and have such a fun time while I'm there.

Plus! I think if I picked somewhere to move it would be Colorado. Colorado will always have my heart.

This past weekend there, in between things I had to do, I spent my time sipping coffee, listening to good music, watching movies and being lazy with my sweet friend, driving around, eating noodles, and lots of laughing. Always, always lots of laughing.

These skies... Oh I just love how beautiful Jesus makes this world. Such a pretty place.

Also! I'm over here today if you wanna stop by and say hi to Michelle! She is such a sweetheart. So fun being a part of her beauty week.

Hope ya'll are having an awesome weekend so far!

I'm at work and will be for the rest of the weekend. However, the game is on and im working with two of my sweet friends. Can't complain too much. Writing blogs, drinking coffee, being silly.. work is tough sometimes. ;]

We love baseball

2011-10-27T20:54:00.000-07:00

Especially the Rangers. It's so exciting following them all season and seeing them make it here!

I'm sure I don't have too many followers that adore baseball, but man, there is something about it that I just love.

We are sitting here, eyes glued to the tv as the 6th game of the World Series pans out. If they win this game, they take the series. for the first time ever. How exciting! There will probably be some high fiving, lots of clapping, and maybe a dance party happening in our living room if it does happen tonight.

Anyways, I figured I would post about our recent trip to see the final game of the playoffs while I watch.

It was pretty much perfect.

We got the best seats available, 45 minutes after the tickets went on sale, and were still in the upper deck. It was still so much fun being there and actually seeing the Rangers become the American League Champions for the second year in a row. Confetti, fireworks, cheering! Man. What a fun pastime.

The ballpark is definitely one of my most favorite places to be, especially with Adam. He just adores it and I love seeing how happy it makes him. Honestly, he looks like a little kid as soon as the stadium is in view. He played baseball his whole life, even through college. He brings his glove in case a ball comes our way and eats as many hot dogs as he can stand.

I'm telling you, his eyes just light up.

love it.

Anyways, We got there early enough to watch all of batting practice and time to walk around the park and just hang out.

The game was amazing.

End score was 15-5. So many runs!

Here are a few pictures from the best game I've ever seen.

(Adam's adorable aunt is right behind him, completely hidden.) :]

Sweet potato fries!

Also!

We got to spend a night with Adams nanny and a night with his family, double date with his parents, and lots of laughing with his sisters. Couldn't ask for a better family. I adore every single one of them. Its really neat stepping into a house that you were only welcomed into 3 years ago and feeling like you're home, like you've known the house your whole life. Huge hugs, prettiest smiles, warmest hearts. best.

I just love our trips to Dallas.

Rocking nanny's night shirts. :]

My sweet Rachel girl.

Beautiful sister.

Double date!

Really love this. So sweet. Such amazing examples of loving each other like Jesus loves us.

BOTTOM OF THE 9TH INNING. This is it ladies (and two guys)

Let's go Rangers!

7-5 Rangers, one out, two on base....

I don't feel like I can publish this post till its over.

dangit. Just tied the game in the bottom of the 9th. Extra innings. I'm sure you guys were totes waiting on my every word to see who won.

You may now resume your normal activities.

Traditions

2011-10-26T20:29:00.000-07:00

I love the familiar things that come with each season.

This season has brought caramel apples, pumpkin patches, pumpkin carving, and soon the corn maze!

I adore fall and especially Halloween. It's so much fun. I love all the anticipation.. what are you gonna dress as?? How are we gonna make our costumes??! What to carve on our pumpkins?! CANDY?! I've had an entire bag of crybaby gum and maybe a whole package of the caramel apple suckers too. (just maybe)

Heres a peek into what our celebrations look like. :]

CARAMEL APPLES. Why are you so delicious?!

Adam has the worst luck with pumpkins. Last year his pumpkin was so thick and tough that carving it was nearly impossible. I'm pretty sure he got out a machete and started hacking a face out by the end. ;]

This year, this happened.

He is probably the least clumsy person I know, so it made it extra funny.

It still turned out okay though, thanks to duct tape!

Here's how my pumpkin turned out!

And here is Adams. :] (if they win the game tomorrow they win the World Series for the first time EVER!! How exciting!)

Last years/ this years! I sorta love HK. haha.

Halloween is in 5 days! How did that happen?? Pumpkin spice candles and lattes! Yellow, orange, brown everywhere! Ah, my fall loving heart is so very happy.

Tomorrow the low is 35 degrees!!! Y.E.S.!!!

I feel like I need to go find a huge pile of leaves to jump in. Preferably not my own pile, that is too much effort.

Yes, I will do this. Mission for tomorrow: Jump in someone else's leaves.

Meet Ruby

2011-10-19T11:04:00.000-07:00

Ruby Lightning Beck.

She's all ours.
I'm pretty in love.

<3 <3 <3 !!!

She just got back in from a walk so she is hot and did not want to be bothered with being held and smothered in kisses. PSH.

Still, you get the point. She's absolutely adorable. :]

Grown-up & stuff

2011-10-11T21:46:00.000-07:00

When do you officially become a grown-up??

Sometimes I wake up and think, "Really?? I'm 24, have a husband, full time job, full time school.. really??" It seems like I'm just playing make believe most days.

You remember that as a child? It was my favorite. Playing house and school were my favorite. Pretending to have a husband and 12 children and telling them all what to do.

And I'm actually going to school to be a teacher.

I have two dogs that are my big babies. I have a house to keep up even.

When did this become my life? Not that I don't adore it -

It's just weird how things seem like they happened overnight.

Most days I still feel like a little girl. I hope that feeling never leaves though.

My most recent status on Facebook is, "Chocolate milk, caramel apple sucker, and giggling with the sister in the hot tub. This is exactly what being a grown up is all about. :)))"

These days I like to think being a grown up is being able to do exactly what I wanted to do every day as a kid with no one telling me no.

Sure, I have a ton of responsibilities, but on days that it's at all possible, I like to forget all about those pesky suckers.

Things that make me feel EXTRA grown up:

Wearing whatever the heck I wanna.

Doesn't "match" (who gets to decide what matches anyway?!), is see through, bright colors, mixed patterns, will get funny looks from everyone in this conservative town?! YES PLEASE! ;]

Eating what I wanna, when I wanna.

Adam and I had a quick date before work the other day. You know what I picked?? A pretzel and sweet potato fries from the mall and from TWO different places too.. because I can.

Believing in fortunes much too much.

Getting myself way too worked up for my speech, that's very adult of me right? Having a ridiculous overwhelming fear of public speaking??? Thought so. I stayed up late tweaking parts of my speech the night before, re-recording it 20 times on photobooth in attempt to memorize everything I wanted to say and adding slides to my powerpoint. Got to class, signed up to go first, and nailed it! awkwardly. haha.

Made a 98 though. ok.thatll work.

Forcing husbands to take pictures at all times. When they refuse, I make em laugh and snap away. And by them - I mean my one and only.

Collecting copious amounts of things that make me happy. Newest mugs. :D

I realize this post makes about ((( this ))) much sense. :: pretend you can see me making the teeniest amount of space in between my first finger and thumb :: but just go with it.

;]

My brain is sorta out of commission. It has been used way too often and much for my liking lately. So this post is allowed to be half gibberish. I said so.

My name is Amber Beck and I approve this message.

Andddd.. I'm done.

P.S. I've been shopping for some of my favorite things for a giveaway I'm having soon. You guys are just so great and are ALWAYS making me smile. You're the most encouraging, sweet, lovely people I know! I love you to pieces!

A list of happy

2011-10-05T08:45:00.000-07:00

I don't have time to sit down and write out all the posts in my head right now, so just a quick lil post of things that are making my heart oh so happy lately.

Coffee, obviously. Always making me happy. In love with my new press.

I could never get sick of the skies God gives. Incredibly beautiful.

It's that time of year!!!

Patio lovin'.

Little pretty.

Sister dates! (I didn't notice that crazy piece of hair flying up till I uploaded this pic. haha)

Oh, this little lady. She'll always be on my list of happy.

Good, hard, hot workouts.

Dexter is back on! This is how we watched the season premier! I love October.

Necklaces, sweet reminders.

Now, off to read with my delish coffee and cozy slipper socks. - I'm living in these things right now.

Really, I'm so happy it's October. Love this time of year, especially since I got Halloween off this year. I'm gonna be a deer. :D I still have all my stuff from last year I didn't get to use, just need to find some suitable antlers or antler looking twigs perhaps. cant.wait.

Perfect Day

2011-10-02T09:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning, Adam took me to the fair for a lil date before work. We try to go every year in the morning before it gets so busy just to walk around and look at the exhibits... and eat.

Oh how we ate this year.

I have never eaten so much at the fair! It was perfect. HOWEVER, I did still make some decently healthy choices. I had corn on the cob, a sweet potato, a strawberry lemonade, and a chocolate covered frozen banana with pecans. I couldddd have had a footlong corndog, funnel cake, fried snickers, twinkie, cheese, or guys BUTTER. Fried butter. SICK.

Only in America can you order fried butter.

So yeah. I did okay. haha.

Adam had a few sausage wraps and frito pie! yum.yum.yum.

We held some bebe ducks and looked at the cute animals. Walked through all the exhibits, hand in hand.

It was a pretty perfect morning.

Adam has to work the fair also, so I love that he was still willing to go with me even though he'd been there all week at work dealing with people.

sweetheart.

These goats made me lol. Seriously, so cute.

I want a duckling. Srsly.

Yummmm.

There's always money in the banana stand.

I posted this on instagram and was so happy with how many people love Arrested Development. Definitely my favorite tv show of all times. So sad they cancelled it, but I rewatch all the seasons a few times a year. Count is up to 9 or something ridiculous like that. I dont ever get sick of it!

GET THAT CORN OUTTA MY FACE!

Eyyyyy save a piece of that corn for me for laterrr!

This sweet potato was fantastic ... afterrrr i scraped 90% of that butter off. They are trying to kill people. Also, when I ordered it with just butter she was like "just butter??? thats it?? really???" and then looked at me like I was crazy.

Adam saw this sign and giggled. Such a child. ;]

THEN, I got to work all day with JUST my best friend. Those days are my favorite. We are ridiculous and silly and its fantastic. She brought her sisters camera with her to work so we had a photoshoot sesh for about an hour... or maybe longer.

I haven't laughed so hard in a good while.

Our tummies and cheeks were hurting in the best sort of way.

I love that.

This is us. What we look like together almost always. Laughing, being silly, ADORE this girl. So happy she is in my life.

She is so very beautiful.

I wish I wouldnt have cut her face off!! Half of the pictures we take together have only half of one of our faces in them.

I went on a break and got a call from Joanna. "Um.. I went outside to take an officer their paperwork, and I took the portable, but I forgot my key.. so im locked out. But no hurry! Im good." And this is what I see when I go back up front. hahah. So cute.

And I wore super bright floraly happy clothes.

I loved yesterday. Every single minute of it.

Magical

2011-09-29T23:03:00.000-07:00

I think I over use this word. Okay, I know I over use this word.

Coffee is magical, days off are magical, really anything that makes me smile I call magical. But, I'd rather live in a world full of magical things than nothing being magical at all.

So. Today was magical, in the most normal way possible.

School, home, laid around in pj's and comfy socks, thrifted, played with my cameras, picnic at the park with my sis, listened to lots and lots of music, danced, drank lots of coffee (happy national coffee day!!), hugged my grizzly husband - His beard is getting crazy. I love it!

Thought about this quote as I started my day,

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."

Pretty wonderful, eh? I love that. so much.

All in all a pretty normal day.

MAGICAL, I tell ya.

[headed to class. Love that 45 min drive. magical.]

[was running a bit late, so decided to be around 10 mins late instead of 2 and picked up coffee. magical.]

[thrifted this dress - tag says made in 1955. MAGICAL]

[Friends that totally get me. totally. Words aren't even needed. magical.]

[cheese.for.lunch.magical.]

[french press and cozy socks. magical.]

[picnic at the park with my sister. definitely magical.]

[This view while I study? Magical.]

[coffee.camera.covers.magical.]

[mama packed us a picnic.magical.]

[adventures with gertrude.magical.]

:: shirt & jeans - kohls, shoes - jc penny, fedora - target ::

Magical count for post: 19

Hope your night is magical.

20.

Fall Fashion Day 5 :]

2011-09-28T15:55:00.000-07:00

{{ Tank & Jeans: Thrifted, Slip: gift!, Blazer: TJ Maxx, Shoes: Blowfish, Turban : Burlington }}

My days off are split so I work Wednesdays now. Sort of weird, but I'm so thankful my job worked with my schedule. I feel so much better being in the new class I'm in.

This morning I finally got in a good good run. Didn't want to stop! It also got cut just a bit short. I called the police because a lady left her baby in the car with the door only BARELY cracked and it was 100 degrees outside. I can not stand that.. at all. I had ran around the park about 7 times before I stopped to make sure there wasnt a baby inside - i thought it was weird the door was cracked, but the windows were tinted so dark I couldnt see inside at all. When I did stop and peeked in, I just wanted to fling the door open and take the babe out myself.. but I figured that wouldn't go over well. So I called the police. And walked back home early. I was the only other person at the park, so Im pretty sure that lady doesn't love me - but thats her own fault! ugh.
Anyways..
Then work all day. For those people around me that have to hear me say, "I dont wanna go to workkkkk todayyyyy" way too often, I feel like I need to say - I really do like my job. Its such a chill job and I need to be thankful for it more often than I am.

I don't ever get in trouble (like I did just about every day at my last job.. or picked on rather), I have internet access all day every day, I can do just about all my homework up here when it's slow....or blog, they work with my schedule and are supportive of me being in school! My bosses are great and my shift is my favorite. Of course I'd rather be outside enjoying the perfect weather, but who wouldnt?! Being a grown up isn't always fun, but I do have it made. This job isn't forever either. Just a few more years!

Today, I am thankful for - sweet friends that actually want to talk to me and make sure I know I'm loved, family that loves me unconditionally - even when im a super stressed little brat, a husband that puts off his shower a few minutes to snap my pictures, my j-o-b, my body that allows me to enjoy running, and fresh fruit. yum. :]

Austin City Limits - Day 1

2011-09-28T08:46:00.000-07:00

Oh, how I love you.

:: warning, this is mainly just a 3 part love letter between me and live music. ::

I thought three full days of music would be awesome, but I didn't realize how awesome it would be. I've never been to a music festival before. There is no way I can miss out now. I was seriously in heaven for 3 days. I wanted it to last a week. or the rest of my life. I could totally deal with listening to awesome music all day every day. Soft green grass to sprawl out on and just let beautiful music wash over me every single day?? Heaven.

There were people.every.where. Like 75,000 people crammed into the park on one day. It got real bad at night, especially for the last big shows. At one point I was trying to meet my friend on the other side of the AMD theatre, which was one of the main stages, and it took me about 15 minutes to make my way through the thousands of people.

Beautiful city as the backdrop. I have about 200 of this same exact picture. It was so beautiful every time I saw it I just snapped one.

I left home at 5 am and got to Austin at around 2. I wanted to be in the park by 3 for James Blake, and made it just in time. So glad too, because his show was definitely in my top 5 shows of the weekend. It was early and the first day so not many people were there. I was able to make my way up pretty close and super enjoyed his set.

Live music just makes my little heart just dance for joy.

All of my memories have soundtracks - always have. If I think about certain roadtrips, I'll remember the music that was playing during certain parts of our conversations. I remember snowboarding trips and what songs where playing as I made my way down the mountain. On top of that, certain people have bands or songs assigned to them in my mind. (i've posted about this with candy and food before. Same thing) :] Anyways, I love seeing live shows and adding in these new memories with old ones. I remember how I felt standing in the crowd, singing along to favorite songs, watching the crazy talented people do their thang, dance around on stage, and make thousands of people incredibly happy.

After Mr. Blake added a bit of hapiness to my life, I made my way to see Ray Lamontangue. That man's voice. Geeze. Just as good live.

Cold War Kids was next and they were in my top 5 favorite shows. SO GOOD LIVE. His voice sounded incredible and they played every song I wanted to hear. I was pretty close to the front too and it was at my favorite stage. It's smaller and just seems a bit more personal. Its much easier to get close to the front and be able to see everything that's going on on stage. Every show I saw at this stage I was in the first few rows of people.

Seriously. So. Good.

I caught a few minutes of Foster the People and wished I could have seen their whole set - I hate when two shows I really wanna see overlap. Sometimes I left the show I wanted to see more and caught the end of the other show or sometimes I just decided what I wanted to see most and stayed for the whole thing.

Bright Eyes were next! OH my. So good. (!!!!) Conor and his friends killllled it. Seriously, my heart almost exploded seeing them live. One of the very few bands that I know every single word to every single song to. They've been a soundtrack to so so many events in my life. First vinyl I ever owned too. :] Conor also crowd surfed towards the end and everyone flipped out. Fun fun fun.

Look at those talented lil hands!

Hand right on Conor's rear. ha.

Like how I just use his first name. Yep, were pals obviously. ;]

Santigold was next and they put on a super fun show. Changed outfits, booty danced while doing handstands (!!!! I wanna learn it.), had a dancing horse on stage. Lots o fun. I watched them from on top of a hill close by and rested my stems for a bit. I did towards the end try to meet my friend and had to make my way through this crowd... and I got danced on. a lot.

Caught a bit of Pretty Lights. <3

And watched Cold Play before we left. They had all sorts of lights and fancy things going on. The first day was soo good and I was sooo tired by the end of the day. I wore moccasins and my shin splints were out of control.

Sun and music all day long. perfect.

I normally don't like being in crowds, but I didn't mind it at all this weekend.

After all day I was definitely ready to be alone for a bit, and the idea of going to bars on 6th street sounded like just about the worst idea ever though. Good thing I had my own car and could go where I wanted, which was back to my friends to just hang out and chat. Best.

09.27.11

2011-09-27T17:59:00.000-07:00

It's my day off work! Today was for school all morning, thrifting all afternoon, and family time all evening.

I got this lil cutie pie today.

I sorta have a problem with collecting old cameras. Sorta.

But she is pretty! I think she might actually work too. Yep, it's a she. Only the super cute ones get sexes/names. Her name is Gertrude, she's old and tough.

Knee locker fo' lyfe.

Slouchy clothes & dirty hair hair piled up is all I want on my days off sometimes.

:: Shirt: Band shirt - from a show, Cardigan & Jeans: Target, Shoes: Vans, Headband: Burlington ::

Fall Fashion Day 3!

2011-09-26T14:10:00.000-07:00

{{ Tank: Ross, Vest, Skirt, & Belt: Thrifted, Shoes: Shoe Carnival, Lipstick: Revlon Fushia Party! }}

Today, I woke up later than I wanted to (hence my lazy hair - easiest thing to do when I dont feel like anything else is a top knot), missed my morning run, and spent the morning in the coffee shop with my homework instead. It turned out lovely despite my plans being ruined. I miss my consistent workout routine. I still make it, just not at the same times. I like routine when it comes to the gym. But maybe this will force me to mix things up a little bit. Starting to add in a morning spin class wtih my bff starting Wednesday! yay.

Also, a good cappuccino makes any day better.

anddd a cup of pressed coffee to go.

andddd working with your best friend.

I knocked out most of my homework this morning, so I'm about to knock the rest out real quick. Then I'll have the night free!

It's the little things that are keeping me sane. :]

:: See how cute everyone else is here ::

Fall Fashion Day 2

2011-09-25T11:00:00.000-07:00

hi hi hi!

Coffee date with my best friend before we worked together for 8 hours. Love hanging out outside of work and then still having the whole day together. Pretty awesome.

Met Adam for dinner (and dessert!)

I like sugar. I thought I was going to give it up for a bit, but this week was just not the week to do that I guess.

Love seeing what everyone else is wearing and all the sweet familiar faces. :]

This outfit was for studying, coffee shop date, work all day, dinner date, and some more studying. Not a bad day despite all the schoolwork and workwork.

Just finished up 3 papers! Only one left and it's not due till Tuesday. Now to finish my other regular assignments. Going out of town during the semester is tough. I did all my work for that week, but then automatically fell behind for the next week and have been trying to catch up since. It was so worth it though.

Off to work now!

Currently

2011-09-25T00:22:00.000-07:00

Today has been long.

Lots of school and lots of work - I did sneak in a coffee date with my best friend and a dinner date with my husband though, so that was rad.

As I type this up, I'm watching a movie for school and fighting my heavy eyes that are begging me for sleep. I figure the busier I am the harder it will be to fall asleep, so blogging was an easy choice. :]

Tomorrow will be the same, but hopefully I can make it to church. My soul has been so thirsty for more lately. Yesterday evening I was able to leave work early and attend a gathering that Matt Chandler spoke at. Oh it was so beautiful. He is my favorite pastor and it was so great hearing him speak again. That man is crazy anointed. God has used him so so much in my life and last night was no different. Spoke straight to my heart. Straight.to.it.

Tears filled my eyes and spilled over as I heard God whisper to me throughout the sermon. I love when He does that. I can't even think of anything more thrilling. :: goosebumps ::

Also, I love being in a room full of people that adore Jesus. So great.

So yeah, if I can wrap up these papers real quick like, then I believe Adam and I will be trying a new church tomorrow.

We are trying to find where we fit. I want so badly to be involved in a church again. We have one that we attend, but it's not our church home really. Praying that God puts us where He wants us. That is all I want.

I had my first observation for school on Friday. It was so neat. I was actually pretty nervous about it and partly terrified that I would find out I didn't wanna teach after all. I would have no clue what else to do and have to change my major AGAIN. I'd like to be done with school before I'm 70. hah. But that wasn't the case. As soon as I stepped foot into the 1st grade class a new little part of my heart came alive. The little bebes killed my heart with their kindness! Hugs and smiles all day. I got asked out by the cutest lil thing named Sidney. He winked at me, raised his eyebrows, and even got in trouble during the test time for making a heart at me with his two little baby hands! Ohman, made my day. I read to kiddos, helped them take AR tests (I loved Accelerated Reader!!) I always forget how much I adore little kids until I'm around them for any amount of time. I'm so excited to finish up school and have my own little classroom and lil things to love on all year! 2 years seems like so far away, but I'm still getting pretty excited.

I transfer to Tech this spring and I'm liking the idea more and more every day. I went to Tech for a year and intensely hated it. While I was going for something I had no passion for, not even one part of me enjoyed my first college experience- not the classes anyways. (( I did adore meeting my brothers during breaks on campus. That was the highlight of school for me )) I hated going to class and made myself sick dreading it every day. I have a feeling that going for something I'm crazy excited for will change things a little bit. Since I work there also, I get one class free and will already have a parking spot. Woohoo - the little things.

So yeah, I think that's all that's new for right now.

Life is pretty sweet. Hectic, so very hectic right now, but still very sweet.

I love that.

It is officially Fall

2011-09-24T09:15:00.000-07:00

and I'm in love.

I adore this time of year!

The cool mornings and evenings, the crispness to the air, the changing leaves!

Scarves,boots,layers!

Pumpkin everything!! Ah - it's my favorite.

andd it's also Fall Fashion Week again! I just love little Emeryjo and her blog.

Blog your outfits for the week with me if ya wanna, ladies! I had so much fun doing this last year.

So, here is the first outfit.

I actually wore it a few days ago for a date night.

We had sushi then coffee. (that combination sounds quite terrible, but it was actually lovely. ha)

Pressed Ethiopian coffee- perfecttt. <3

This morning I am trying to wrap up the 4 papers I have due and maybe sneak in a quick run before work.

Have a wonderful Saturday loves.

One of my favorite things in the whole wide world

2011-09-20T17:17:00.000-07:00

is sitting in a coffee shop.

I adore it - everything about it.
I love the coffee obviously, the rich smooth espresso, the perfect blueberry muffins, the iced chai.
I love the music playing. I love the people watching. I love the bar stools, the painted walls, the glass windows that let the sun rays come in and settle right next to me, and friendly familiar baristas that know my name and drink.

I love losing hours in the corner with a book.

I love the conversations it holds, how it welcomes laughter and story telling.
All the memories - sitting side by side with friends.

Currently:

l.o.v.e.
<3

So proud to call him mine

2011-09-15T19:54:00.000-07:00

I haven't bragged about my husband in awhile, and quite frankly, that will not do!

;]

I seriously struck gold when I found Adam.

He treats me like a queen, all the time.

He never has attitude with me and always responds lovingly.

He lets me do my thang without even hinting that I should just chill the freak down.

Blue hair, blonde hairs, black hair - he doesn't care. Just responds, "You'll be beautiful no matter what." He doesn't even care that I pierce myself! I mean, I could probably like paralyze my face or something really since I have no training and there are nerves all up in there. But alas, he is supportive, always.

He loves to date me.

He takes me to dinner and the movies. He watches chick flicks when I'm just in that sorta mood. He cuddles me all night, even when he gets hot.

He puts up with my collections.

Cameras, shoes, lipstick, records.. ect. ect. ect.

He has never said, "You don't need another pair of shoes." Sometimes he even tells me that I need certain shoes he thinks I'll like!

SRSLY. Best guy ever.

He didn't once tell me he didn't want me to drive 15 hours to Mississippi to see my brother.

He encouraged me to make the venture and spend quality time. He knew I needed it.

Now, I'm off at 4am to go to Austin City Limits without him.

Guess what?

He is so excited for me.

He's so happy I get to enjoy three days of amazing live music in Austin.

I'm so blessed.

I love you to the moon and back babycakes.

Embarrassing story - because I love you guys.

2011-09-11T20:50:00.000-07:00

This is the beloved dress that wedged itself up my crack. ;]

Let's hear some ideas for a how-to speech! I'm pretty open to ideas right now and maybe an imposter to go to my remaining three speech classes. Takers?? Anyone?? Ill buy your lunch for like ever and be your best friend!

There is always time to be thankful

2011-09-09T22:16:00.000-07:00

My schedule for the next 4 months is packed. jam packed.

I seriously have maybe an hour to myself a day, and that is only when I put off some duty like cleaning my house.

My day usually looks like this - Wake up at 7, finish up homework I didn't get to the night before, get ready for class, drive an hour to class, get outta class at 1pm, drive straight to work, work from 2-10, spend a few hours on homework before bed. ::repeat::

* Well in theory thats what my day looks like.

However, to keep my sanity this is what I try to make my day actually look like -

Wake up at 7, hop in the shower and turn the dial closer to the C than the H, pour myself a (giant) cup of strong black coffee, plug in my ipod to my set of speakers and dance around the living room whilst doing my hair & makeup, devote at least 15 minutes to reading scriptures and my devotional, crack open my textbooks for a lil last minute work, pour myself a (giant) mug of coffee to go, dance and sing the ENTIRE hour to class, take pictures on the way of the rolling plains and the sun shining so sweetly, smile and make friends with my classmates instead of sitting in the back alone, head to work joyfully, enjoy my co-workers (I do have the best shift ever) and the down time I can easily use to study if I choose, workout for an hour or so after work, go home and love on my hard-working insanely sweet adorable husband, say my prayers and count off what I'm thankful for, study in bed till I drift off to sleep.

Seriously, squeezing in a few things that make me smile really really makes a difference in my day.

Some days are dull, others are sorta tough, not gonna lie, but when I put in just a smidge of effort my day takes a beautiful turn.

Today, for example, was sorta rough. I had class all morning and even afternoon, I had to miss half my shift, thus causing me to work till 0200 hrs (typing this at work currently), my school work is piling up and I already feel like the only way to survive is staying up well into the night and living on 2 hours of sleep a night. not.cool. My advisor/professor for 2 classes already isn't very fond of me, for what I have no clue. But, thats okay. Not everyone will like me, not every night will I be able to sleep 8 hours, not every day is smooth sailing! I have to remember to breathe and take one day at a time. After I left class crying, I went and got some french fries (hello, favorite food ever) and turned my music up LOUD.

Good gosh, the most simple things are the most beautiful sometimes.

So, here's just a few things I'm thankful for today - despite feeling like the world is crushing my bones sometimes - I have so so SO many things to thank my sweet Jesus for.

Breakfast. (ofchamps)

This man. His ginormous heart that's just a tad bigger than those arms that love to hold me, his hard work and dedication that sometimes keeps him out till 7am, that sleepy face, and especially that one eye that takes longer than the other to open every morning and gives me a giggle to start my day.

Also the fact that he has now created an emoticon for his beard. It looks like this :)> and he uses it in almost every text.

Ex: "I love you cupcake :)> "

This view every day on my way to class. Yeah, its reallll flat, but its also beautiful, calming, and so so simple. Sometimes I love simple.

The feeling of autumn creepin in. Cool, overcast mornings, pumpkin spice lattes, ponchos that make me twirl when ~~no one~~ not very many people are looking, shoes I could live in.

These words that give my life a purpose, the constant reminder of what true love really is every time I glance down at my ring finger, His sacrifice - sweet sweet love.

Ahhh. I feel so refreshed after listing out my thankYous, always. Most important 10 minutes of my day.

I have so much to be thankful for. Life is so sweet.

What is your identity?

2011-09-05T22:28:00.000-07:00

I still remember one of my favorite sermons from a youth camp years ago.

Where do you find your identity? What makes you feel most like you? Where do you place your worth??

I am many things. I am a wife, a daughter, a sister, a best friend, a runner, a music lover, a student, a dispatcher, a mama to my pups.. but most importantly I am His.

Sometimes I let that take back seat, being a child of The Most High, and put the other things I define as important first.

Often times I call myself Amber: a wife or Amber: a student or even Amber: a woman.

All of those things are beautiful, but I should not put my entire worth into any of them.

It is good to want to excel at being a wife. I want to cook 3 meals a day, keep a clean house, and maybe even have something sassy on for Adam when he gets home from work every day.

I really used to take pride in being a "good wife." Doesn't that sound awful? I was proud of it. But really, I thought I had it down. I put my worth in that. It was the one thing I felt I was really good at. But life happens, and I am more than a wife. It is not my sole identity - Truth is, with working 40 hours a week, taking 16 hours of class, and having other things that demand my attention and time being a "good wife" is real tough work sometimes. It gets hard to plan meals, and even harder to make it to the grocery store every week. The laundry piles up, and it becomes easier to snap at Adam after a long day instead of reacting out of love.

If all I wanted to do was be a perfect wife, I would feel defeated after days like those.

Being a woman is a beautiful thing. I love that God created me with certain needs as a woman. I have the need to feel loved and cared for. I want affection and lots of it. I desire to feel beautiful. Heck, I even love being treated like a princess. When I start selfishly seeking all those things though and put that above all else, it is not right. I should not dress immodestly to try and gain the attention and affection of others. I can't expect Adam to be able to fulfill every little desire I have. When I start feeling like I deserve those things "because I am a woman," I am creating that identity for myself. Yes, I am a woman, but more importantly I am a woman that belongs to God the Father. Sure, He wants to give me the desires of my heart - He wants me to feel loved and beautiful, but that is not all He wants for me.

What if you walked into work, the only place where you truly felt needed and accomplished, and you were laid off? What about if you messed up.. real big, and you once found your identity in following rules? You were great at living by the book, now what?? What about if your husband or wife leaves you and all you knew was how to be a loving spouse? All of the identities we create for ourselves can be crushed in an instance.

I was created with a void that only He can fill.

That is so beautiful.

I read this by C.S. Lewis the other day and really really loved it -

"God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing."

whoa.

Hits home with me.

You can try, and God knows I have tried, to fill the void with other things, but it won't work.

I can think all I want that once I finish school and become a teacher, then I'll be happy, or once I'm done training for a marathon and finally officially run one then I'll be happy or once I have kids and a family, then I will be happy.

But the truth is, He left that void there, so we would search for Him. He wants to be what we desire, our identity. Nothing else can fill that. He wants to make us whole.

You can choose to be happy and while yes, you can fill your days with things that make you smile, You know that unexplainable joy? The joy that fills up your entire heart despite your circumstances and makes you want to dance, the warmth that radiates from your heart to every single extremity, the peace that washes over you and whispers "Everything is gonna be alright." - That? is from God.

That is the God I serve. He calms my soul during tragedy. He holds my heart when it's broken. He multiplies my joy when I'm happy. He loves me when I'm so undeserving.

The only trustworthy thing in this world, is finding who you truly are in Jesus. I am His beloved, His bride, His treasure, His daughter, His delight.

What if I lived my life with that identity? How different would my life look?

Instead of selfishly pursuing my own desires, I would live to glorify His name. I would beg to be used by Him every morning. He would continually be on my mind. His name would always be on my lips - every minute of every day. It's who I am, I am his lover - first and foremost! I couldn't contain myself. I would be unexplainably joyous, from the tips of my toes to the top of my head.

Oh God, You are my King - Let me live all my days for you alone.

His love

2011-09-01T19:18:00.000-07:00

One of those "Everything will be okay. Life is good, beautiful even." moments just happened.

My heart was heavier than normal, my body tired, my mind bogged with worry.

I drove to Starbucks on my lunch break. Pulled into the parking lot and just cried. Not for any real reason really.When I feel sad or gloomy, crying just comes with it. I'm not one to push my feelings aside and hold it all in. I let it out, it would escape me even if I tried to hold it back. I'm a crier.

Not in front of others - just when I have a moment alone.

So after I cleaned my face and dried my eyes I made my way inside for some coffee, first coffee in three days. That alone could be the reason I felt so off. I'm pretty sure I NEED coffee to survive.

I drove to a nearby park, windows down, coffee in my hand, wind in my hair, and sun on my face.

Perfect combination. My whole body let out a sigh of relief and the passage I read this morning washed over me.

"From the depths of despair, O Lord, I call for your help. Hear my cry, O Lord. Lord, if you kept a record of our sins, who could ever survive? But you offer forgiveness, that we might learn to fear you. I am counting on the Lord; yes, I am counting on him. I have put my hope in his word. I long for the Lord."

Lately, I've felt so bogged down with the worry of not being good enough for God or to spend time in His presence even. How ridiculous is that?! And just the opposite of what should happen. I should be running straight to the arms of my sweet saviour when feelings of unworthiness or fear creep in my mind. I can NEVER EVER be good enough to deserve the love God so freely gives me. EVER. Not even if I were mother freakin' teresa would I deserve His love.

I super love that part of the verse though - thats what gets me ... "But you offer forgiveness... "

despite of ME. Despite of everything I've done or not done, despite my hardened ugly heart HE FORGIVES ME. He accepts me. He adores me even.

While I am still in my sin, he longs for me.

Oh, His passion for me blows me away.

He died on the cross KNOWING I am very much a sinner. He died for my past sins and future sins. I'm human and I mess up and thats okay. I'm far from perfect and He doesn't expect me to be.

So, as I cried again, these tears were tears of joy and relief.

Of course I'm not good enough, and never will be, but that is why it is so insanely beautiful, his love.

It's so unlike mine.

My love is conditional. My love is shallow and laughable even.

His is deep. unconditional. unfathomably amazingly insanely sweet.

Oh, How he loves us.

It will never get old.

I'm so thankful for His sweet nudges.

Lipschtick Vlog

2011-08-31T07:17:00.000-07:00

Guys, I'm sincerely warning you. This video WILL waste 12 minutes of your life UNLESS you really are curious about what lipsticks I wear most often. I've received lots o' questions about this, so I vlogged it up for you guys.
This video is REDIC.
Just like that shortened word. It shouldn't be shortened, but I continue to shorten it anyways.

** I didn't get the second tube of Cool Watermelon at Walgreens. I got it at Big Lots.
** We ended up watching Lars and the Real Girl. :]
** Please excuse my voice. I don't know why I choose to vlog when I'm sick. I sound a bit like a man. please overlook that. ;]
** The wine is Adesso. I love it.

Happy Wednesday lovebugs! :]

Mississippi Part II

2011-08-29T17:25:00.000-07:00

Day 2: I woke up and got ready while Tyler was still sleeping. Worked out okay since I needed to shave my legs super bad and wanted to curl my hair and all. By the time he was up, all he had to do was hop in the shower and we were ready to leave for some coffee. I can't function (very well) without coffee.

Made our way to Dunkin' Donuts and I had my first donut in 4 years. It was delicious. We sat and chatted. He explained super important air traffic controlling concepts to me. I still really only kinda get it - so fancy.

Toured the base! So neat to see where he has been the past few years and what he sees & does everyday.

That would be the tower he works in.

He showed me all the different computers,screens, & machines they have to use to ensure the safety of the plans&pilots. Neat stuff for sure.

Lil doormat on the way into the tower. Fancy.

Oh, he was just chatting with his friends and I was being creepy.

I love feet pictures. It's a problem. Sorta. If I cared it would be a problem, but I don't. haha.

See? Feet pictures. Always.
I think its neat seeing these pictures and remembering where I have been and seen. Where my feet have carried me. I love group feet pictures even more.

On the catwalk.

Half of our pictures are blurry because they were snapped while we were laughing/shaking. But we were at the bookstore. One of our favorite things to do. Bookstore + coffee + brother = perfect. :]

I watched him play some video games - Wouldnt be normal if this didn't happen.

We went to a little town close by and had dinner with his girlfriend. I like her. a lot. :]

Brother thought my rings were a bit much.

nonsense!

Handsome brother!

Funny faces, always.

Neat, YUMMY pizza place. And, you could write on the walls. fun!

We played games for a good while. I love playing games. Inside jokes & Polish Poker :]

This picture is seriously adorable. Little cuties - laughing.

Tried to get coffee elsewhere, but sonic was the only thing open on the way back home. Iced caramel latte at 11pm! Woohoo.

Such a good good day.

I laughed all day/night.

Thanks Tyler for making my smile wrinkles a little deeper. ;]